Kinda TTC

So here we sit at 5 DPO …… temps actually look like the same as they did at the beginning of my pregnancy in July 2008. But they could always look like this – I haven’t had a proper temping cycle in a couple of years really. However, if I am pregnant I am highly positive that the eggie is clever enough to NOT implant in my ovary this time……
I want to test. I KNOW there will be no chance in the world of getting any form of accurate result. But seriously, that doesn’t stop me from wanting to test. Stupid, I know. I’m trying to hold out to Friday – which will be 9 DPO and the earliest I’ve gotten a BFP before. Again, we will not take into consideration that it was in my ovary!!
I’ve violated my cervix and have vowed that from now I’m only allowed to check it twice a day – once in the morning and once at night. Not every single time I go to the bathroom, or walk past a bathroom, or think of a bathroom!!! I’m sure after a certain number of times it goes beyond just checking but I can’t help it!!! It’s like my ridiculous need to POAS at 5 DPO.
I’m a little nauseous – prob cause DP’s phone was off, last time that happened he was in an accident
I’m a little tired – probably from the crappy sleep I had
I’ve got a little break out – probably from the half a block of chocolate I ate over the weekend.
I’m having a lot of twinges in my right ovary – which I’m not really comfortable with as its supposed to be the GOOD ovary.
The only real ‘symptom’ I have that I don’t have a rational explanation for is my CM. it ‘feels’ like its very wet down there, but if I check its not. My CM is maybe a mix between creamy and watery, but it just has the sensation of being wet. That’s something I never get.

I’m not 100% hopeful for this month – no, I lie – I AM hopeful, I’m just not 100% confident. I had EWCM on day 12 and 13 and DTD both of these days in the PM. But I didn’t O until CD16 – which gives me a -4 and -3 BD prior to O – not GREAT. But hey I had the EWCM and used Preseed. So maybe we have a shot.
I have searched the absolute bejeebus out of the FF chart gallery to find pregnancy charts with -4 or -3 BD’s before O. there are actually heaps and heaps of them!!! And every day I just want the day to hurry up because the sooner I go to bed the sooner I can wake up and take my temp.Please, please, please world let this be our turn for a BFP that results in a happy healthy baby. These BFP’s that don’t have babies at the end are a real buzz kill!!!!

Best of luck everyone.

HERE is my Fertility Friend Chart if anyone wants to see it!!

Um did we just TTC?

3rd May, 2010

So for some really really strange reason unknown to both myself and dp...... we DTD, unprotected, knowing full well that i'm around O time.
I have no idea what either of us were thinking. We will not be back on the TTC bandwagon just yet. But for some reason we thought we'd just not worry this time.So that officially gives me a test date! I can't remember the last time I had a test date other than for a blood test - hahaha.
I haven't had a 2ww for ages. its probably O day or 1 DPO at the most and I'm already freaking out!!!!!I went online and purchased 25 IC tests so i can test to my hearts content. If I'm not pregnant, I'll be disappointed. If I AM pregnant I'll be scared 5hitless!!!!

27th May, 2010

Due to an ovarian cyst that screwed up my ovulation, DTD unprotected had no real impact on anything.My cycle was 2 days longer and I’m now currently sitting on CD10. I’m going to do an OPK this afternoon to see if anything comes up. I doubt it would this early. I haven’t ovulated at CD10 for about 2 and a half years! I don’t think we are actually trying again.
I just think we aren’t going desperately out of our way to ensure it doesn’t happen. I don’t think either of us are quite ready for the full on TTC lifestyle again.
Sometimes we are safe, sometimes we aren’t. it really depends on each individual situation. Sometimes it’s just more convenient to be safe that it is to be ‘trying’ – if that makes any sense.
We are back to enjoying se)( for se)( and not because it is time for me to ovulate – therefore bed – NOW.
I am finding the idea of parenthood quite daunting. I was so confident and excited and READY when we were TTC last time. And then when I was pregnant I was overjoyed and beyond excited – I never had any doubts or concerns. I think maybe this is just a bit of a self-protective measure to avoid getting hurt. If I can’t imagine being a parent, then perhaps if another pregnancy fails I won’t be as devastated? I know that’s a big lot of crap – but I think maybe subconsciously that’s what’s happening? Who knows, my body is weird so I wouldn’t be surprised if my brain is too !
Looking at perhaps having another ‘kind of’ attempt this month?
Have about 2 days to decide, so we better get cracking!!!!