What happened to 'D' day?

I've given up on D day. Its not happening anytime soon. I am pretty sure I'll be having the second Methotrexate injection. If this happens, I'm out of the TTC game for six months. I don't know how to handle that. I am praying I DON'T have to handle that.
So today I was thinking about everything that has happenend over the past few months. And more so what has happened the last week. I haven't been as highly strung emotionally as the last miscarriage. This was partly due to it never being a viable pregnancy. Another was that I felt like I was taking one for the 'team'. If I miscarried, then there was a lesser chance that a couple of very special ladies who had their BFP's at the same time of mine would have to endure the same loss. I looked at it as a numbers game. 'Well there was another miscarriage, so it increased their odds of having a healthy pregnancy". I was gutted to learn that one of these ladies is experiencing spotting. I hope that everything is ok for her. She needs to represent in May.
However, I had myself a mini breakdown today, because of one person, a person who wears so many different hats in the soap opera / ER saga of my life, a person who I have never met.
* the first person I told of my impending miscarriage - this time round
* the first person who rang me and comforted me
* the person who had a D&C at the same time as me and could relate to how I felt
* the person who got their BFP the same time as me this time and freaked out with me
* the person I was most happy in being stuck in a due in thread with.........
She might be miscarrying too.
And this is where the 'everything will sort itself out' turns into 'this is just 5hit'. I'm not sure what powers control the Due in May thread, but did they NOT GET THE MEMO. I miscarried. I TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM. Why can't everyone else just be ok? It is not ok for multiple people to have to go through this cr@p over and over again. Especially someone who is so kind and caring.
So I am stuck back in the life is cr@p phase of this roller coaster. I can handle this. I can get through this. But why do other people have to go through it aswell? Surely making one person at a time suffer is sufficient?
I know its unrealistic, but there are a few of us that need a break. Just for awhile. A nice, healthy 40 week pregnancy with an amazingly healthy child at the end would be just tops thanks.
Ahhhhh we can live in hope.
And too the person I mentioned above....... I'm thinking of you, and wish you didn't have to go through this again.
xoxoxox

Scans and Ambiguity

So my poor little pregnancy ends already. U/s today suggests a twin miscarriage. One in-uterine pregnancy, one ectopic pregnancy attached to my left ovary. Our only hope is that I don't lose my ovary, but my chances aren't that good.I'm heading off to an OBGYN tomorrow As I want a specialist in charge of my ovary preservation.
One more try for a baby and then I give up.

Its all over

After the not finding out my results like I was supposed too, I went back to bed.
After all of about 12 minutes sleep it was 8 am and I could ring the hospital again. They cr@pped on about this and that until I bluntly said what part do you not understand, I just want my HCG results that were promised to me 12 hours ago. So I finally got them. 6500, I knew it was all over, I was 10 weeks and 5 days, there should have been more 00's on the end of that number.
Next task was to book in for U/S confirmation. thankfully they told me to come up straight away and that, although I may have a bit of a wait, they would fit me in as soon as possible. I waited 5 minutes. The sonographer recognised me. He was the man who showed me my baby's heartbeat at 5 weeks and 5 days, and it was now his job to tell me how long ago my baby had died.
8 weeks and 5 days. My body had held onto our angel for 2 weeks. Our little angels heart had only beaten for 3 weeks. I wasn't sad, I was so extremely thankful to have such a wonderful sonographer who did is job professionally as well as having some compassion, a lot more than I can say about the hospital staff.
I phoned the Pregnancy Clinic and advised them that it was all over, I would have been booked in immediately for a d&c but I had drunk too much water for the U/S. I was to be scheduled for the next day.

Introduction

I decided to create this blog as a way to anonymously write about my miscarriage and my journey to move forward from it.

I found many sites that explained the different types of miscarriage, I was given statistics and percentages and numbers, numbers, numbers - but my real help was found through the blogging of a few brave women who put their story on the internet for all to see.

As much as I wish for no other person to have to go through one, or more, miscarraiges, I found comfort in knowing that others have experienced what I had. Being able to read about someone who has been through the same emotions that I am encountering is actually comforting.

I have two hopes for this blog
1. Is to have an outlet in helping myself heal (no matter how much I say 'I'm fine")
2. That maybe, when a lone woman searches the internet for answers or understanding, she may stumble across this and find comfort in knowing that someone else has experienced her pain.