I am progressing. I was in the room with a lot of other people when a pregnancy was announced via speaker phone. I said congratulations and ooh’ed and ah’ed about her son being an older brother etc etc.
That may all sound like standard behaviour that happens everyday. But it hasn’t been like that for me for awhile. Um for about 14 months actually.
In the early stages of TTC, pregnancy announcements sucked because I wasn’t pregnant yet. When I was pregnant pregnancy announcements sucked cause I couldn’t share my news with anyone other than family because it was too early. When I lost my babies, pregnancy announcements just sucked, full stop. But now….. Now they are cool. I was genuinely happy for this person, which surprised me a little :)
The smile wasn’t fake, nor was the congratulations. And to be honest, I’ve faked it in the past, a lot recently.
So I’m making progress. Now just to hold my niece or nephew for the first time, who is due so close to my original due date. I really believe bubby will come on my due date, and although I would prefer it not too, if it does, it will allow me to celebrate that day for the rest of my life. Rather than fear it.
Another loss
11 years ago
2 comments:
I don't know if you just posted all these, or if I got behind, but all I can say is "WOW".
It sounds like you have been on an emotional rollercoaster. It must have been a very difficult decision to put off TTC, but it will help your relationship so much. Hang in there!
My goodness! A lot has happened since I was here last. What a difficult decision that is to have to make. An emotional rollercoaster, indeed. I have rode that ride. Sometimes I get on and the jerk operating the controls won't stop the ride to let me off. Let me say that just because you and DP have decided that you will wait until 2010 to try doesn't mean that you are not still of part of this community if you choose to be. Thinking of you. {hug}
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