Day 0 - 2700
Day 4 - 2630
Day 7 - 2320
Day 11 - 2030
Day 14 - 187
So, so, so happy. YAY!!!!!!!
Nothing like a little miscarriage to sort out your HCG levels.
Another loss
10 years ago
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Monday, September 22, 2008
'D' day - FINALLY
NOTE: This posts contains A HIGHLY GRAPHICAL, DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF A NATURAL MISCARRIAGE. If you are squeamish, or not comfortable with the mention of blood (and worse) please do not read this post. I am determined to write up my story because it is a part of my journey. And others who are unlucky enough to have to experience this also, will know that they are not alone. My experience is not text-book, it is unique to me. If you are experiencing something similar, please do not rely on my story to ascertain if what you are experiencing is 'normal'. I've highlighted where the story gets graphic with some *****
I guess this part of my story really begins on Saturday night.
After watching the footy on tv, I decided to go to bed - relatively early. DP and I were marvelling at my stomach which had gone ROCK hard, and it looked like I was 5 months pregnant. I even took a few photos it was that impressive. But off to bed and I fell asleep quite quickly.
12.30am sees a random call to dp's mobile, which startled both of us out of a deep sleep. I got up and went to the bathroom (stupid hcg), and was feeling a little 'funny'.
I laid back down and the second my head hit the pillow I instantly sat back up in pain. It felt like someone was squeezing the bejeebus out of my uterus - slowly. It lasted about a minute, and the pain peaked at about 30 seconds. The pain wore off slowly, not instantly. It decreased in pain at the same rate it had increased. This went on for 30 minutes. I was sitting on the edge of the bed just rocking and rocking and rocking - oh and lots of deep breathing.
After it stopped I went back to bed, and slept fine for the rest of the night.
After the weird night, I had a sleep in on Sunday. DP and I had plans for lunch with the outlaws, and set off on our 1 1/2 drive at about 11.00am. I was doing ok til about half way through lunch. Then I started getting the pains similar to the night before, only a bit milder. I had to keep excusing myself to get up and walk around, and then sneak off to the toilet for the umpteenth time to check out if anything was happening.
After the LONGEST LUNCH IN HISTORY, everyone decided to go for a walk along the beach. I told dp that there was no way in hell I could manage that walk, and I headed back to his sisters house to rest. I went to the toilet and noticed that, although the bleeding was getting heavier, it wasn't that bad. I was in more and more pain and was only getting a break of about 15 minutes, before the pain set in for its usual 30 minute stint.
I'd been attempting to rest for an hour, when I knew that I couldn't take anymore. Home was going to be a 2 1/2 hour drive away as we had to drop MIL off at home first. I needed to be at home.
I texted dp and told to him to wrap up the beach stroll as things were getting serious and I wanted to get home. Thankfully they were already on their way back. NOT thankfully, MIL and dp's sisters MIL thought now was the perfect time to stand at the door and talk about something trivial. I turned my back and slowly swung my hips to get through the pain. My eyes were watering, but if I cried, we'd have to tell everyone what was happening. So I sucked it up, and swung my hips til the pain subsided. I must have looked slightly odd. I think SIL didn't buy the 'oh she has her periods'.
We FINALLY got in the car and I got hit again with pain. MIL and SIL (who I love dearly) would not shut up, and I desperately wanted silence. I had my head turned out the window as far as possible so they couldn't see the tears silently sliding down my cheeks. I couldn't rock or swing my hips now, and just had to hold on til it passed. The first thirty minutes of that trip was absolute hell. DP kept watching me in the rearview mirror, and was driving way too fast in an attempt to get me home as soon as possible.
Once we got to MIL's house, I went to bathroom yet again, heavier but no real clotting. We left immediately and headed home.
I was getting increasingly more uncomfortable in the car. I couldn't sit on my bum properly because it sort of squashed my uterus and made the pain even worse. I was shifting from being on my left side to being on my right side, for the majority of the way home. I was very restless.
Now there is only one way to describe the next part so you actually uinderstand what I mean.....
You know the feeling of needing to go to the toilet when you're driving home? You know how when you get about ten minutes from home your bladder seems to know and the urge to pee is even greater? You know when you're 2 minutes from home and your bladder has a fit cause you are soooo close to home???
Well apparently your uterus knows this game too. We got off the freeway and the pain intensified. We got around the corner from home and the pain increased again - ten fold. We got home at 6.15pm. Of course my neighbour was out the front, having just returned from her weekend away. So I managed 5 minutes of chat. All the while I was rocking backwards and forwards and side to side. She looked at me funny, and I said its all happening. She knows the story.
*****This is where the story gets graphic.
So, I'm sure everyone knows the theory behind my next exercise. I tried scalding my back and my stomach in the shower to try and alleviate the pain, as well as helping the bloodflow along. I also did a very very thorough cleaning. So that I could accurately measure from then on how much blood I lost.
So out of the shower and I begin drying myself. I bent down to dry my feet and blood just started pouring out of me, onto the bath mat. (May I add that prior to leaving that morning I had JUST put the new and clean fluffy bath mat in the bathroom. I wasn't impressed.)
So I jumped straight onto the toilet and just sat there for a minute in a bit of shock. DP came in and he asked what I wanted. Stain remover from the laundry - look at the damn bath mat. This was what was important at that moment?????
So while I sat on the toilet poring out blood, I sprayed the mat with stain remover. Now I could concentrate on the matter at hand.
DP stood awaiting my instructions. I sat, covered in only a towel, and assessed what I would need. Ok I need clothes. A big loose dress felt appropriate. I need undies. I need another pad. I need a can of coke. And go next door because I want a smoke. (DP doesn't smoke, I used too - but we both seem to want a smoke after a miscarriage).
Here's me, at 6.45pm sitting naked on the toilet, coverd in a towel so dp doesn't have to watch what is happening, with a can of coke at my feet, a pad carefully placed by dp in my undies at my feet, and me, stil unable to move. The silence was intermittently interupted with comments such as 'this is 5hit' or 'this is crap'.
I honestly was going to stay there all night - or until it was over. But there was one problem. I could cope with the pain. What I couldn't cope with was the feeling of the blood rushing out of me. I'd wipe every now and then when it got too much. And would kick dp out if there was a clot so I could investigate. But I had to get up, because the grossness was outweighing the benefit of being on the toilet. At some point I had managed to get a nice, short loose dress on.
I ripped the pad out of the undies and tried to hold that up against me while dp tried to put my undies on. All the while I had to keep the actual toilet covered with the towel so dp couldn't see all the blood.
I took a five minute break and went out the back and had my can of coke and a smoke. I sat with the soles of my feet flat against each other in front of me, and laid my body over my feet. I needed pressure on my uterus to help with the pain. Kind of like when you have a headache and push on your temples for relief.
Break over, I got back to business. I knelt on the floor and leant over the bed. Ooh'ing and ah'ing while I frantically rocked my hips. Dp would come and go every five minutes to see if he could help, or if I needed anything. This was usually met with 'yes, I need you to make it go away', or 'I need you to make it stop'. He was however, helpful with my request for a 'friggen hot', hot water bottle.
I went back to leaning over the bed, but this time with the hot water bottle literally burning my stomach too. But I couldn't concentrate enough to hold it. Easy fixed. Next request. I need one of YOUR belts (he's lots bigger than me). So I belted in the hot water bottle up against my uterus. Good trick and I highly recommend it :)
I lasted another half hour or so, trying to breathe through the pain while going to the toilet every five minutes to see what was happening. I knew that I hadn't lost 'it' yet, and I was about over it all. I was tired, I was fatigued, and I was low on drugs. I'd taken one mercyndol (a paracetemol with some extra knockout ingredient) at 7pm as that was all I had, and I wanted it to help me sleep through the pain. I was down to dp's 2 nurofen plus, which I detest, but hey, deperate times and all. I bargained with myself that if I could make it to 11pm on just 1 mercyndol, I'd take the damn nurofen plus.
At 8pm I decided I wanted to 'try' and sleep. I boiled the kettle so I could still scald myself with my dearly beloved hot water bottle. I propped myself up against 4 pillows, as laying down was too painful - plus I'm a firm believer in helping gravity, this stuff has to move down, no point laying down and slowing up the process. And surprisingly enough I fell asleep very quickly.
I woke up at 10.00pm, I wasn't sure why. I was in the same amount of pain as when I went to sleep, although I felt 'fuller'. I got up for a refill of coke (all I wanted the whole time was coke). I wandered around, took the dog to the toilet, peed twice and then sat on the lounge. I wasn't sure why I was awake. At this time (about 10.30pm) I was in a whole new world of pain. It was instant, and crippling. I went back to bed and had the need to lay on my stomach. I put the newly refilled hot water bottle on my back and gritted my teeth through the pain. It was excrutiating laying on my stomach, but that is where I felt I needed to be. I stayed this way for about twenty minutes, breathing so hard and so controlled, it was what I was trying to focus on.
I HAD to get up, and decided to ring mum for the tenth time that night. She answered and my first words were 'I need drugs' (mums a nurse - yay yay yay). She was at work and she did a drug count of all the staff to see what she could score for me. Well it was dismal. I decided to take the stupid nurofen plus. I went to the fridge to refil my coke. As soon as I got to the fridge I needed to squat. I didn't get it, I didn't feel any different, my pad felt normal. I just needed to squat?? So what did I do? I squatted. Just once. And then got my coke (yes, again).
I went and sat on the bed and got my nurofen off the bedside table. DP asked if I was alright. I could barely talk through the pain, but managed to say 'I don't want to play this game anymore'. My uterus was killing me, I was sure that at any moment it was going to explode. I got frustrated and got up and said to DP 'this is 5hit. Next time they can take my damn ovaries, I've had enough - I WANT MY D&C'. And headed to the bathroom to pee, yet again.
The second I sat down 'it' fell out. It didn't hurt, I didn't feel it coming. And it sunk to the bottom of the toilet. So, naturally I called mum again (when you are in the middle of 'd' day your phone doesn't leave your side). Mum answers and I blurt out 'I've just passed the biggest friggen clot I've ever seen'. hahahaha poor mum. So while I sat on the toilet I talked to several different nurses to get their view. Consensus was, I either need to put it in a specimen jar, or get a good look at it and get a detailed description. I had my phone - I took a photo. And then I squatted down, head in bowl and got a good look. 'It' was big. One complete piece, but two sections. It wasn't a clot. I was 100% sure it was the sac. It was what I had been waiting for. It was grey, and looked like it had a seam that was held together by a beige piece of string at the edge.
I threw open the bedroom / ensuite door and asked dp if he had heard the phone call. He said yes. I asked him if he wanted to come and see it? Um, no. Are you sure? No. Do you want to look at the photo? No.
Excitement over, I decided I needed sleep - bad.
I laid down, hopefully for the last time that night. Dp asked how I was. In all the excitement I hadn't taken in the fact that I wasn't in pain anymore!!!!!!
I was just about asleep when mum rang at midnight. She'd finished her shift and wanted to know if she should come over. I told her I thought it was over. She asked how I felt. I said 'I want to say I feel a million bucks, but realistically I feel about ten bucks - which is a good improvement on the way I've felt all day'.
Fast forward to now, and I have what is like a normal period. Its not excessively heavy, and there is no pain. My stomach has also softened and gone back in.
And I'm looking forward to next year, when I can TTC again.
But I stand by my statement, I am NEVER doing that again. I will demand a D&C if I'm ever in this situation again. Miscarrying naturally is one of the worst things I have ever ever done.
I guess this part of my story really begins on Saturday night.
After watching the footy on tv, I decided to go to bed - relatively early. DP and I were marvelling at my stomach which had gone ROCK hard, and it looked like I was 5 months pregnant. I even took a few photos it was that impressive. But off to bed and I fell asleep quite quickly.
12.30am sees a random call to dp's mobile, which startled both of us out of a deep sleep. I got up and went to the bathroom (stupid hcg), and was feeling a little 'funny'.
I laid back down and the second my head hit the pillow I instantly sat back up in pain. It felt like someone was squeezing the bejeebus out of my uterus - slowly. It lasted about a minute, and the pain peaked at about 30 seconds. The pain wore off slowly, not instantly. It decreased in pain at the same rate it had increased. This went on for 30 minutes. I was sitting on the edge of the bed just rocking and rocking and rocking - oh and lots of deep breathing.
After it stopped I went back to bed, and slept fine for the rest of the night.
After the weird night, I had a sleep in on Sunday. DP and I had plans for lunch with the outlaws, and set off on our 1 1/2 drive at about 11.00am. I was doing ok til about half way through lunch. Then I started getting the pains similar to the night before, only a bit milder. I had to keep excusing myself to get up and walk around, and then sneak off to the toilet for the umpteenth time to check out if anything was happening.
After the LONGEST LUNCH IN HISTORY, everyone decided to go for a walk along the beach. I told dp that there was no way in hell I could manage that walk, and I headed back to his sisters house to rest. I went to the toilet and noticed that, although the bleeding was getting heavier, it wasn't that bad. I was in more and more pain and was only getting a break of about 15 minutes, before the pain set in for its usual 30 minute stint.
I'd been attempting to rest for an hour, when I knew that I couldn't take anymore. Home was going to be a 2 1/2 hour drive away as we had to drop MIL off at home first. I needed to be at home.
I texted dp and told to him to wrap up the beach stroll as things were getting serious and I wanted to get home. Thankfully they were already on their way back. NOT thankfully, MIL and dp's sisters MIL thought now was the perfect time to stand at the door and talk about something trivial. I turned my back and slowly swung my hips to get through the pain. My eyes were watering, but if I cried, we'd have to tell everyone what was happening. So I sucked it up, and swung my hips til the pain subsided. I must have looked slightly odd. I think SIL didn't buy the 'oh she has her periods'.
We FINALLY got in the car and I got hit again with pain. MIL and SIL (who I love dearly) would not shut up, and I desperately wanted silence. I had my head turned out the window as far as possible so they couldn't see the tears silently sliding down my cheeks. I couldn't rock or swing my hips now, and just had to hold on til it passed. The first thirty minutes of that trip was absolute hell. DP kept watching me in the rearview mirror, and was driving way too fast in an attempt to get me home as soon as possible.
Once we got to MIL's house, I went to bathroom yet again, heavier but no real clotting. We left immediately and headed home.
I was getting increasingly more uncomfortable in the car. I couldn't sit on my bum properly because it sort of squashed my uterus and made the pain even worse. I was shifting from being on my left side to being on my right side, for the majority of the way home. I was very restless.
Now there is only one way to describe the next part so you actually uinderstand what I mean.....
You know the feeling of needing to go to the toilet when you're driving home? You know how when you get about ten minutes from home your bladder seems to know and the urge to pee is even greater? You know when you're 2 minutes from home and your bladder has a fit cause you are soooo close to home???
Well apparently your uterus knows this game too. We got off the freeway and the pain intensified. We got around the corner from home and the pain increased again - ten fold. We got home at 6.15pm. Of course my neighbour was out the front, having just returned from her weekend away. So I managed 5 minutes of chat. All the while I was rocking backwards and forwards and side to side. She looked at me funny, and I said its all happening. She knows the story.
*****This is where the story gets graphic.
So, I'm sure everyone knows the theory behind my next exercise. I tried scalding my back and my stomach in the shower to try and alleviate the pain, as well as helping the bloodflow along. I also did a very very thorough cleaning. So that I could accurately measure from then on how much blood I lost.
So out of the shower and I begin drying myself. I bent down to dry my feet and blood just started pouring out of me, onto the bath mat. (May I add that prior to leaving that morning I had JUST put the new and clean fluffy bath mat in the bathroom. I wasn't impressed.)
So I jumped straight onto the toilet and just sat there for a minute in a bit of shock. DP came in and he asked what I wanted. Stain remover from the laundry - look at the damn bath mat. This was what was important at that moment?????
So while I sat on the toilet poring out blood, I sprayed the mat with stain remover. Now I could concentrate on the matter at hand.
DP stood awaiting my instructions. I sat, covered in only a towel, and assessed what I would need. Ok I need clothes. A big loose dress felt appropriate. I need undies. I need another pad. I need a can of coke. And go next door because I want a smoke. (DP doesn't smoke, I used too - but we both seem to want a smoke after a miscarriage).
Here's me, at 6.45pm sitting naked on the toilet, coverd in a towel so dp doesn't have to watch what is happening, with a can of coke at my feet, a pad carefully placed by dp in my undies at my feet, and me, stil unable to move. The silence was intermittently interupted with comments such as 'this is 5hit' or 'this is crap'.
I honestly was going to stay there all night - or until it was over. But there was one problem. I could cope with the pain. What I couldn't cope with was the feeling of the blood rushing out of me. I'd wipe every now and then when it got too much. And would kick dp out if there was a clot so I could investigate. But I had to get up, because the grossness was outweighing the benefit of being on the toilet. At some point I had managed to get a nice, short loose dress on.
I ripped the pad out of the undies and tried to hold that up against me while dp tried to put my undies on. All the while I had to keep the actual toilet covered with the towel so dp couldn't see all the blood.
I took a five minute break and went out the back and had my can of coke and a smoke. I sat with the soles of my feet flat against each other in front of me, and laid my body over my feet. I needed pressure on my uterus to help with the pain. Kind of like when you have a headache and push on your temples for relief.
Break over, I got back to business. I knelt on the floor and leant over the bed. Ooh'ing and ah'ing while I frantically rocked my hips. Dp would come and go every five minutes to see if he could help, or if I needed anything. This was usually met with 'yes, I need you to make it go away', or 'I need you to make it stop'. He was however, helpful with my request for a 'friggen hot', hot water bottle.
I went back to leaning over the bed, but this time with the hot water bottle literally burning my stomach too. But I couldn't concentrate enough to hold it. Easy fixed. Next request. I need one of YOUR belts (he's lots bigger than me). So I belted in the hot water bottle up against my uterus. Good trick and I highly recommend it :)
I lasted another half hour or so, trying to breathe through the pain while going to the toilet every five minutes to see what was happening. I knew that I hadn't lost 'it' yet, and I was about over it all. I was tired, I was fatigued, and I was low on drugs. I'd taken one mercyndol (a paracetemol with some extra knockout ingredient) at 7pm as that was all I had, and I wanted it to help me sleep through the pain. I was down to dp's 2 nurofen plus, which I detest, but hey, deperate times and all. I bargained with myself that if I could make it to 11pm on just 1 mercyndol, I'd take the damn nurofen plus.
At 8pm I decided I wanted to 'try' and sleep. I boiled the kettle so I could still scald myself with my dearly beloved hot water bottle. I propped myself up against 4 pillows, as laying down was too painful - plus I'm a firm believer in helping gravity, this stuff has to move down, no point laying down and slowing up the process. And surprisingly enough I fell asleep very quickly.
I woke up at 10.00pm, I wasn't sure why. I was in the same amount of pain as when I went to sleep, although I felt 'fuller'. I got up for a refill of coke (all I wanted the whole time was coke). I wandered around, took the dog to the toilet, peed twice and then sat on the lounge. I wasn't sure why I was awake. At this time (about 10.30pm) I was in a whole new world of pain. It was instant, and crippling. I went back to bed and had the need to lay on my stomach. I put the newly refilled hot water bottle on my back and gritted my teeth through the pain. It was excrutiating laying on my stomach, but that is where I felt I needed to be. I stayed this way for about twenty minutes, breathing so hard and so controlled, it was what I was trying to focus on.
I HAD to get up, and decided to ring mum for the tenth time that night. She answered and my first words were 'I need drugs' (mums a nurse - yay yay yay). She was at work and she did a drug count of all the staff to see what she could score for me. Well it was dismal. I decided to take the stupid nurofen plus. I went to the fridge to refil my coke. As soon as I got to the fridge I needed to squat. I didn't get it, I didn't feel any different, my pad felt normal. I just needed to squat?? So what did I do? I squatted. Just once. And then got my coke (yes, again).
I went and sat on the bed and got my nurofen off the bedside table. DP asked if I was alright. I could barely talk through the pain, but managed to say 'I don't want to play this game anymore'. My uterus was killing me, I was sure that at any moment it was going to explode. I got frustrated and got up and said to DP 'this is 5hit. Next time they can take my damn ovaries, I've had enough - I WANT MY D&C'. And headed to the bathroom to pee, yet again.
The second I sat down 'it' fell out. It didn't hurt, I didn't feel it coming. And it sunk to the bottom of the toilet. So, naturally I called mum again (when you are in the middle of 'd' day your phone doesn't leave your side). Mum answers and I blurt out 'I've just passed the biggest friggen clot I've ever seen'. hahahaha poor mum. So while I sat on the toilet I talked to several different nurses to get their view. Consensus was, I either need to put it in a specimen jar, or get a good look at it and get a detailed description. I had my phone - I took a photo. And then I squatted down, head in bowl and got a good look. 'It' was big. One complete piece, but two sections. It wasn't a clot. I was 100% sure it was the sac. It was what I had been waiting for. It was grey, and looked like it had a seam that was held together by a beige piece of string at the edge.
I threw open the bedroom / ensuite door and asked dp if he had heard the phone call. He said yes. I asked him if he wanted to come and see it? Um, no. Are you sure? No. Do you want to look at the photo? No.
Excitement over, I decided I needed sleep - bad.
I laid down, hopefully for the last time that night. Dp asked how I was. In all the excitement I hadn't taken in the fact that I wasn't in pain anymore!!!!!!
I was just about asleep when mum rang at midnight. She'd finished her shift and wanted to know if she should come over. I told her I thought it was over. She asked how I felt. I said 'I want to say I feel a million bucks, but realistically I feel about ten bucks - which is a good improvement on the way I've felt all day'.
Fast forward to now, and I have what is like a normal period. Its not excessively heavy, and there is no pain. My stomach has also softened and gone back in.
And I'm looking forward to next year, when I can TTC again.
But I stand by my statement, I am NEVER doing that again. I will demand a D&C if I'm ever in this situation again. Miscarrying naturally is one of the worst things I have ever ever done.
An inbetween the days post :)
One of my best friends told me she was pregnant on Saturday night. Her 1st born is 4 and a bit months old. She is freaking out. Their due dates are only 3 days apart.
She apologised over and over and felt bad that she was scared and shocked. She was sorry that it happened to her by accident and that we are having so much trouble. I told her never to apologise for something so wonderful, and that it is understandable that she is 5hit scared about having a 1 year old and a newborn.
The only thing weird about it was that she is telling everyone at 6 weeks. She has been right in the swing of things with my drama's, but I guess, unless it happens to you, you still think you get pregnant and have a baby. Oh I wish it was that easy for me!!!
On a different note, what I said in my last post kind of happened - an hour and a half from home mind you But stay tuned, cause that is an entirely different post - one that I don't have time to write right now. I'll have it up this afternoon sometime though.
__________________
She apologised over and over and felt bad that she was scared and shocked. She was sorry that it happened to her by accident and that we are having so much trouble. I told her never to apologise for something so wonderful, and that it is understandable that she is 5hit scared about having a 1 year old and a newborn.
The only thing weird about it was that she is telling everyone at 6 weeks. She has been right in the swing of things with my drama's, but I guess, unless it happens to you, you still think you get pregnant and have a baby. Oh I wish it was that easy for me!!!
On a different note, what I said in my last post kind of happened - an hour and a half from home mind you But stay tuned, cause that is an entirely different post - one that I don't have time to write right now. I'll have it up this afternoon sometime though.
__________________
Day 11
Things progressed a bit today. A lot heavier, but still not as heavy as a regular period. I cleaned the house from top to bottom in the hopes that some sort of strenuous activity would help things along. I think they have?
Not cramping or sore as yet. But am paranoid that the big event will happen while I'm out for lunch tomorrow. 'Excuse me, yeah don't mind me I'm just going to have a miscarriage in between our entree and our main - continue on with your conversation'.
EEEK - I hope that doesn't happen.
Not cramping or sore as yet. But am paranoid that the big event will happen while I'm out for lunch tomorrow. 'Excuse me, yeah don't mind me I'm just going to have a miscarriage in between our entree and our main - continue on with your conversation'.
EEEK - I hope that doesn't happen.
Day 10
I'm bleeding, FINALLY. It's not excessive, and not yet enough to reach a pad. But I still pee all the time so don't give it much of a chance
No pain yet, no cramping yet. So far so good.
Got a little sunburnt today, but enjoyed being out in the sun and cleaning the gardens.
Can't wait for 32 degrees tomorrow.
I LOVE summer, and I think its going to be great, if spring is anything to go by.
No pain yet, no cramping yet. So far so good.
Got a little sunburnt today, but enjoyed being out in the sun and cleaning the gardens.
Can't wait for 32 degrees tomorrow.
I LOVE summer, and I think its going to be great, if spring is anything to go by.
Follow up
No follow up needle at this stage. But I'm not getting excited, it may happen after Tuesday. But, for now, we are still on track to TTC in 3 months.
Next bloods Saturday, results back on Monday (posted them in last post). I reported earlier that I may be spotting. Well that was a big fat false alarm. I had what I thought was the teeny tiniest little bit of spotting. Nope, just some brown CM, that promptly went back to normal CM. So I started partying too soon. Not impressed. I thought something was actually happening!!!!
Not much else to report unfortnately.
Next bloods Saturday, results back on Monday (posted them in last post). I reported earlier that I may be spotting. Well that was a big fat false alarm. I had what I thought was the teeny tiniest little bit of spotting. Nope, just some brown CM, that promptly went back to normal CM. So I started partying too soon. Not impressed. I thought something was actually happening!!!!
Not much else to report unfortnately.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Are we there yet?
Last night before I jumped into bed I noticed that I was spotting. I whipped out the giant mother of all pads and tried to prepare myself for what, inevitably, awaited me.
* On a side note, I find it slighty amusing that I've only worn maternity pads after my miscarriages
Once in bed dp asked how I was. I told him I'd started spotting and was very very nervous. I even felt nauseas at what was going to happen. I had tried for over a week and a half to emotionally prepare for what lay ahead for me. As I haven't miscarried naturally before, I have a sneaking suspicion that I will, in no way, have prepared myself adequately for what is yet to happen.
I slept through the night quite well, only waking to the discomfort of trying to sleep with something the size of a pillow in my undies. Made even worse by the fact that I had pyjamas on and was nearly strangling myself. I usually sleep starkers, or if AF is around, just in pyjama bottoms. But because I have no idea how my body will deal with this, I've been sleeping in full on jammies incase I need to go to hospital at 2am.
When I got up this morning, despite the killer headache, I didn't feel too bad. I tried to keep busy for awhile before I faced the bathroom. Well considering I have a fair whack of HCG still in my body, holding off peeing is not as easy as it sounds.
So I braced myself and checked out my super maxi jumbo pad........NOTHING. Argh come on give me a break.
Jump forward to now adn I've started spotting again. Its minimal. I have apanty liner on 'just incase', not that there is enoguh to actually reach the pad????
So now I'm confused, yet again. Methotrexate injections are followed by bleeding on Day 3 or Day 4. I'm on DAY NINE!!!!!! There is no one left for me to google. Every person I have googled who has had the methotrexate injection for an ectopic has had bleedig long before this. So again, I'm left with nothing but guesses as to what the hell will happen next.
Soooooo if anyone knows ANYONE who has had this treatment and has not responded as per the statistics, please let me know!!!!!
Ok, well I'm going back to sitting around and waiting, waiting, waiting.
* On a side note, I find it slighty amusing that I've only worn maternity pads after my miscarriages
Once in bed dp asked how I was. I told him I'd started spotting and was very very nervous. I even felt nauseas at what was going to happen. I had tried for over a week and a half to emotionally prepare for what lay ahead for me. As I haven't miscarried naturally before, I have a sneaking suspicion that I will, in no way, have prepared myself adequately for what is yet to happen.
I slept through the night quite well, only waking to the discomfort of trying to sleep with something the size of a pillow in my undies. Made even worse by the fact that I had pyjamas on and was nearly strangling myself. I usually sleep starkers, or if AF is around, just in pyjama bottoms. But because I have no idea how my body will deal with this, I've been sleeping in full on jammies incase I need to go to hospital at 2am.
When I got up this morning, despite the killer headache, I didn't feel too bad. I tried to keep busy for awhile before I faced the bathroom. Well considering I have a fair whack of HCG still in my body, holding off peeing is not as easy as it sounds.
So I braced myself and checked out my super maxi jumbo pad........NOTHING. Argh come on give me a break.
Jump forward to now adn I've started spotting again. Its minimal. I have apanty liner on 'just incase', not that there is enoguh to actually reach the pad????
So now I'm confused, yet again. Methotrexate injections are followed by bleeding on Day 3 or Day 4. I'm on DAY NINE!!!!!! There is no one left for me to google. Every person I have googled who has had the methotrexate injection for an ectopic has had bleedig long before this. So again, I'm left with nothing but guesses as to what the hell will happen next.
Soooooo if anyone knows ANYONE who has had this treatment and has not responded as per the statistics, please let me know!!!!!
Ok, well I'm going back to sitting around and waiting, waiting, waiting.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Still Waiting.
No follow up needle at this stage. But I'm not getting excited, it may happen after Saturday. But, for now, we are still on track to TTC in 3 months.
Next bloods Saturday, results back on Monday.
I reported earlier that I may be spotting. Well that was a big fat false alarm. I had what I thought was the teeny tiniest little bit of spotting. Nope, just some brown CM, that promptly went back to normal CM. So I started partying too soon. Not impressed. I thought something was actually happening!!!!
Not much else to report unfortnately.
Next bloods Saturday, results back on Monday.
I reported earlier that I may be spotting. Well that was a big fat false alarm. I had what I thought was the teeny tiniest little bit of spotting. Nope, just some brown CM, that promptly went back to normal CM. So I started partying too soon. Not impressed. I thought something was actually happening!!!!
Not much else to report unfortnately.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Day 7 Bloods
Thanks G for the comment about my day 4 bloods. I know todays bloods are what is important, but... 70, the first decline was 70. I truely was hoping for something a little better.
Todays bloods are going to be absolutely fantastic, a medical marvel that will be documented in medical journals everywhere. Aussie chic drops 2000 off her HCG :)
OOH dear, this is what my dreams now consist of.
I had the blood taken, and then another lady who took my day 4 bloods, came over and said oh yes write this, write that, and these aren't urgent.
I honestly didn't mean to react the way I did. It was a tad out of place......
I said a little too abruptly 'No these ARE urgent, why do you think the Dr marked them as such'.
I wasn't trying to be rude. I think I just went into self preservation mode. If they are classified as urgent, I'll have to wait three days for the results. My head wont cope with a 3 day wait. If the results aren't satisfactory I'll be getting another jab of Methotrexate, and with it...... A six month ban on TTC. The bloods were marked as urgent :)
The thought of this has been eating me up since I was told that it was a possibility. But the last couple of days DP and I have decided we'll be ok with it. We'd prefer the 3 month wait, BUT, if it is a 6 month wait, we're off to the States next September. I'm doing the big theme parks before I'm to old, or too pregannt, to go upside down on a rollercoaster. So if it is 6 months. I have a plan.
Mmmmm, sorry, I'm not the most talkative, or emotionally stable person in the world at the moment. And I just don't have much to say. I do, however, have a very cool poem from a friend who's daughter was born sleeping at 22 weeks.
"An Ugly Pair of Shoes"
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go bybefore they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Author Unknown
Sorry if this has been posted a million times before. I only saw it for the first time yesterday.
Todays bloods are going to be absolutely fantastic, a medical marvel that will be documented in medical journals everywhere. Aussie chic drops 2000 off her HCG :)
OOH dear, this is what my dreams now consist of.
I had the blood taken, and then another lady who took my day 4 bloods, came over and said oh yes write this, write that, and these aren't urgent.
I honestly didn't mean to react the way I did. It was a tad out of place......
I said a little too abruptly 'No these ARE urgent, why do you think the Dr marked them as such'.
I wasn't trying to be rude. I think I just went into self preservation mode. If they are classified as urgent, I'll have to wait three days for the results. My head wont cope with a 3 day wait. If the results aren't satisfactory I'll be getting another jab of Methotrexate, and with it...... A six month ban on TTC. The bloods were marked as urgent :)
The thought of this has been eating me up since I was told that it was a possibility. But the last couple of days DP and I have decided we'll be ok with it. We'd prefer the 3 month wait, BUT, if it is a 6 month wait, we're off to the States next September. I'm doing the big theme parks before I'm to old, or too pregannt, to go upside down on a rollercoaster. So if it is 6 months. I have a plan.
Mmmmm, sorry, I'm not the most talkative, or emotionally stable person in the world at the moment. And I just don't have much to say. I do, however, have a very cool poem from a friend who's daughter was born sleeping at 22 weeks.
"An Ugly Pair of Shoes"
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable Shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go bybefore they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Author Unknown
Sorry if this has been posted a million times before. I only saw it for the first time yesterday.
Monday, September 15, 2008
Day 4 bloods
So I mentioned in a previous post that after a methotrexate injection your HCG levels rise, before they begin to fall. Bearing that in mind, I thought that Saturdays blood test (Day 4) would have seen a drop of a few hundred from my last BHCG of 2700.
Oh how wrong I was, Day 4 BHCG was 2630, it will take forever to come down if this is the way its going to play......
Day 7 bloods tomorrow and I am hoping that they are a hell of a lot more significant than Day 4's.
It was bitterly depressing to find out it had only dropped by 70. But I guess that I will never know the real rate of decrease because I dont know what my BHCG spiked at.
Oh well. I just have to pray that tomorrow will provide a better result.
Oh how wrong I was, Day 4 BHCG was 2630, it will take forever to come down if this is the way its going to play......
Day 7 bloods tomorrow and I am hoping that they are a hell of a lot more significant than Day 4's.
It was bitterly depressing to find out it had only dropped by 70. But I guess that I will never know the real rate of decrease because I dont know what my BHCG spiked at.
Oh well. I just have to pray that tomorrow will provide a better result.
What happened to 'D' day?
I've given up on D day. Its not happening anytime soon. I am pretty sure I'll be having the second Methotrexate injection. If this happens, I'm out of the TTC game for six months. I don't know how to handle that. I am praying I DON'T have to handle that.
So today I was thinking about everything that has happenend over the past few months. And more so what has happened the last week. I haven't been as highly strung emotionally as the last miscarriage. This was partly due to it never being a viable pregnancy. Another was that I felt like I was taking one for the 'team'. If I miscarried, then there was a lesser chance that a couple of very special ladies who had their BFP's at the same time of mine would have to endure the same loss. I looked at it as a numbers game. 'Well there was another miscarriage, so it increased their odds of having a healthy pregnancy". I was gutted to learn that one of these ladies is experiencing spotting. I hope that everything is ok for her. She needs to represent in May.
However, I had myself a mini breakdown today, because of one person, a person who wears so many different hats in the soap opera / ER saga of my life, a person who I have never met.
* the first person I told of my impending miscarriage - this time round
* the first person who rang me and comforted me
* the person who had a D&C at the same time as me and could relate to how I felt
* the person who got their BFP the same time as me this time and freaked out with me
* the person I was most happy in being stuck in a due in thread with.........
She might be miscarrying too.
And this is where the 'everything will sort itself out' turns into 'this is just 5hit'. I'm not sure what powers control the Due in May thread, but did they NOT GET THE MEMO. I miscarried. I TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM. Why can't everyone else just be ok? It is not ok for multiple people to have to go through this cr@p over and over again. Especially someone who is so kind and caring.
So I am stuck back in the life is cr@p phase of this roller coaster. I can handle this. I can get through this. But why do other people have to go through it aswell? Surely making one person at a time suffer is sufficient?
I know its unrealistic, but there are a few of us that need a break. Just for awhile. A nice, healthy 40 week pregnancy with an amazingly healthy child at the end would be just tops thanks.
Ahhhhh we can live in hope.
And too the person I mentioned above....... I'm thinking of you, and wish you didn't have to go through this again.
xoxoxox
So today I was thinking about everything that has happenend over the past few months. And more so what has happened the last week. I haven't been as highly strung emotionally as the last miscarriage. This was partly due to it never being a viable pregnancy. Another was that I felt like I was taking one for the 'team'. If I miscarried, then there was a lesser chance that a couple of very special ladies who had their BFP's at the same time of mine would have to endure the same loss. I looked at it as a numbers game. 'Well there was another miscarriage, so it increased their odds of having a healthy pregnancy". I was gutted to learn that one of these ladies is experiencing spotting. I hope that everything is ok for her. She needs to represent in May.
However, I had myself a mini breakdown today, because of one person, a person who wears so many different hats in the soap opera / ER saga of my life, a person who I have never met.
* the first person I told of my impending miscarriage - this time round
* the first person who rang me and comforted me
* the person who had a D&C at the same time as me and could relate to how I felt
* the person who got their BFP the same time as me this time and freaked out with me
* the person I was most happy in being stuck in a due in thread with.........
She might be miscarrying too.
And this is where the 'everything will sort itself out' turns into 'this is just 5hit'. I'm not sure what powers control the Due in May thread, but did they NOT GET THE MEMO. I miscarried. I TOOK ONE FOR THE TEAM. Why can't everyone else just be ok? It is not ok for multiple people to have to go through this cr@p over and over again. Especially someone who is so kind and caring.
So I am stuck back in the life is cr@p phase of this roller coaster. I can handle this. I can get through this. But why do other people have to go through it aswell? Surely making one person at a time suffer is sufficient?
I know its unrealistic, but there are a few of us that need a break. Just for awhile. A nice, healthy 40 week pregnancy with an amazingly healthy child at the end would be just tops thanks.
Ahhhhh we can live in hope.
And too the person I mentioned above....... I'm thinking of you, and wish you didn't have to go through this again.
xoxoxox
'D' day plus one
'D' day is still eluding me.
I am extremely tired, very tender but not yet in any type of pain.
I had my first followup BHCG today. My guess is I will follow the standard of having your HCG double before it drops.
My boobs have exploded. They are huge. They are that big that I even took photos of my cleavage.
Dr google is killing me, and I need to stop. I'm just desperately waiting for this to begin, so it can be over. The not happening is so scary becaue it is just increasing my stress levels while we wait for the ever elusive 'D' day.
I have decided to buy a lotto ticket though.
*Only a small % get pregnant on their first try (second round of TTC but still first try)
*Only a very small % of pregnancies are ectopic
*Only a TINY % of ectopics are in the ovary
Surely I've got a good chance of winning the lotto
I am extremely tired, very tender but not yet in any type of pain.
I had my first followup BHCG today. My guess is I will follow the standard of having your HCG double before it drops.
My boobs have exploded. They are huge. They are that big that I even took photos of my cleavage.
Dr google is killing me, and I need to stop. I'm just desperately waiting for this to begin, so it can be over. The not happening is so scary becaue it is just increasing my stress levels while we wait for the ever elusive 'D' day.
I have decided to buy a lotto ticket though.
*Only a small % get pregnant on their first try (second round of TTC but still first try)
*Only a very small % of pregnancies are ectopic
*Only a TINY % of ectopics are in the ovary
Surely I've got a good chance of winning the lotto
'D' day
So 'D' iday is yet to amount to much. I'm a little sore, but no bleeding yet and no major cramping.I stayed up til the early hours watching some 9/11 movies. It pulled me out of my 5hitty mood. I know its something we all know about and were around for, but its not until I watched it all again did I really really think about it.
So today. Today I am thankful for everyone in my life. I am fortunate enough to have not lost anyway through accidents or through malicious acts of hate. Those that I have lost have been due to illness, and were old enough to have had fulfilled lives. So today I think about what I have, not what I have not got.
I can get pregnant. We don't have an issue there. I have a fantstic OB who will use me like a pin cushion til he finds out why we can't stay pregnant.
I live in a time where we have the internet. Which has given me access to so many stories of success, tears, and success. It gives me something to look forward too.
I am always appreciative of the fact that women talk about miscarriage more - perhaps not IRL, but they use the internet as their outlet. It gives hope and also gives me something to relate too. And I truely thank all the women who are brave enough to put their stories out there for the world to see.
I'm thankful that my sister is having a healthy pregnancy, because I would give up my fertility to ensure she never has to feel the way I have felt over the last few months.
My mum, who is an absolute mega-star. Who sleeps in my spare bed when things get tough so she is on hand to take me to the hospital. I love having a nurse for a mum.
My dp, who has gone over and above what I thought he was possibly capable of doing - Mr 6"3, 120kg oooohhhhh I don't like blood . After he has worked 16 hours he will come home and cook me dinner, even though I have barely moved off the lounge all day. He doesn't patronise me, nor try to downplay my emotions. He has sat through internall ultrasounds, a physical internal from my OB, and many many nights of cramping, pain and crying. I couldn't have asked for anything more from him in these past few months.
OK, so there's my appreciative post for today.
Yes, things are 5hit at the moment. But I have everyone I love. I have half the battle won in that I CAN get knocked up.
And my favourite child in the world is curled up next to me on the lounge. She hasn't left my side in months. And I would honestly be lost wothout her. Who else is going to be my hot water bottle at 3am when the real bottle is cold and dp is at work. She'll always be my hairy first born and I can't imagine life without her.
mmmmm if we can't have human babies, we're getting ten more dogs
So today. Today I am thankful for everyone in my life. I am fortunate enough to have not lost anyway through accidents or through malicious acts of hate. Those that I have lost have been due to illness, and were old enough to have had fulfilled lives. So today I think about what I have, not what I have not got.
I can get pregnant. We don't have an issue there. I have a fantstic OB who will use me like a pin cushion til he finds out why we can't stay pregnant.
I live in a time where we have the internet. Which has given me access to so many stories of success, tears, and success. It gives me something to look forward too.
I am always appreciative of the fact that women talk about miscarriage more - perhaps not IRL, but they use the internet as their outlet. It gives hope and also gives me something to relate too. And I truely thank all the women who are brave enough to put their stories out there for the world to see.
I'm thankful that my sister is having a healthy pregnancy, because I would give up my fertility to ensure she never has to feel the way I have felt over the last few months.
My mum, who is an absolute mega-star. Who sleeps in my spare bed when things get tough so she is on hand to take me to the hospital. I love having a nurse for a mum.
My dp, who has gone over and above what I thought he was possibly capable of doing - Mr 6"3, 120kg oooohhhhh I don't like blood . After he has worked 16 hours he will come home and cook me dinner, even though I have barely moved off the lounge all day. He doesn't patronise me, nor try to downplay my emotions. He has sat through internall ultrasounds, a physical internal from my OB, and many many nights of cramping, pain and crying. I couldn't have asked for anything more from him in these past few months.
OK, so there's my appreciative post for today.
Yes, things are 5hit at the moment. But I have everyone I love. I have half the battle won in that I CAN get knocked up.
And my favourite child in the world is curled up next to me on the lounge. She hasn't left my side in months. And I would honestly be lost wothout her. Who else is going to be my hot water bottle at 3am when the real bottle is cold and dp is at work. She'll always be my hairy first born and I can't imagine life without her.
mmmmm if we can't have human babies, we're getting ten more dogs
'D' day is approaching
Well I am absolutely cr@pping myself about tomorrow.
Tomorrow is supposed to be 'D' day. The day it all starts happening.
I have been reading the diaries of blogs of those who have miscarried naturally. Many many of these women seem to feel more, empowered (for lack of a better word) an feel like they have more closure. I truely hope this is the case for me.My issue with that though is that my silly egg implanted in my OVARY for pete's sake (no offence pete). It was doomed from the get go. There is absolutely nothing I could have done to make this pregnancy viable.
Perhaps it may have been an empowering experience to naturally lose my baby who had a heartbeat. Who was taken away weeks prior to giving as much hint to its mother. But this pregnancy, this one nevr had a hope in hell. This one I want to move past from. This one stops me from TTC.
Being in TTC limbo land sucks. Alot.
I'm homeless, no longer in a Due In thread, no longer part of a TTC thread.The tears came today. I took it as a cue that everything is beginning to happen. I wasn't thinking about anything emotional. I was not overly happy, I was not sad, I was not angry. The tears just came. They were short-lived, but my eyes have been welling up, on and off all evening. Again, I think it is my body getting prepared for 'D' day. Hmmmm 'D' day. So so nervous.
Anyway, enough of my whining post. Apologies for how disjointed it is. But it is pretty much how disjointed my thoughts are atm.
Wish me luck for 'D' day!!!!
Tomorrow is supposed to be 'D' day. The day it all starts happening.
I have been reading the diaries of blogs of those who have miscarried naturally. Many many of these women seem to feel more, empowered (for lack of a better word) an feel like they have more closure. I truely hope this is the case for me.My issue with that though is that my silly egg implanted in my OVARY for pete's sake (no offence pete). It was doomed from the get go. There is absolutely nothing I could have done to make this pregnancy viable.
Perhaps it may have been an empowering experience to naturally lose my baby who had a heartbeat. Who was taken away weeks prior to giving as much hint to its mother. But this pregnancy, this one nevr had a hope in hell. This one I want to move past from. This one stops me from TTC.
Being in TTC limbo land sucks. Alot.
I'm homeless, no longer in a Due In thread, no longer part of a TTC thread.The tears came today. I took it as a cue that everything is beginning to happen. I wasn't thinking about anything emotional. I was not overly happy, I was not sad, I was not angry. The tears just came. They were short-lived, but my eyes have been welling up, on and off all evening. Again, I think it is my body getting prepared for 'D' day. Hmmmm 'D' day. So so nervous.
Anyway, enough of my whining post. Apologies for how disjointed it is. But it is pretty much how disjointed my thoughts are atm.
Wish me luck for 'D' day!!!!
12 hours of RUPTURE fear
Well I survuved the period in which I was most likely to have a rupture. Mind you I was awake all night waiting for the 12 hour mark of 5:00am to pass. So I've only had a couple of hours rest today, very very tired. Looking forward to a good sleep, hopefully.
Am starting to get a bit tender and crampy.
Was stalked by pregnant women at the shops today, it wasn't as bad a feeling as it was after the last miscarriage. I know try not to judge and think that there is a story behind each pregnancy and that perhaps not everyone got to that stage with ease.
However the AT LEAST 8 month pregnant lady who was smoking and drinking a can of Jim Beam at the bus stop really really pi55ed me off. But hey, that's life, not much I can do about it. I just hope her child is not adversely affected.Looking forward to seeing out the end of this year, which would mean I'm allowed to TTC again. 3 months is going to be a long long wait.
On another downer, I can't have alchol within 2 weeks of the Methotrexate injection ARRRRRRGHHHHH very very unfair. I'm not a big drinker, but hey I would like to have at least one drink after losing another baby.
Am starting to get a bit tender and crampy.
Was stalked by pregnant women at the shops today, it wasn't as bad a feeling as it was after the last miscarriage. I know try not to judge and think that there is a story behind each pregnancy and that perhaps not everyone got to that stage with ease.
However the AT LEAST 8 month pregnant lady who was smoking and drinking a can of Jim Beam at the bus stop really really pi55ed me off. But hey, that's life, not much I can do about it. I just hope her child is not adversely affected.Looking forward to seeing out the end of this year, which would mean I'm allowed to TTC again. 3 months is going to be a long long wait.
On another downer, I can't have alchol within 2 weeks of the Methotrexate injection ARRRRRRGHHHHH very very unfair. I'm not a big drinker, but hey I would like to have at least one drink after losing another baby.
How on earth can I fit into every TINY statistic
I feel kinda special.....
"Ovarian or Cervical Ectopics account for only 0.2% of all ectopic pregnancies"
Naturally, I had to have the 'difficult to treat', 'most likely to rupture' type of ectopic. lol.
I also found this about the sac inside my uterus.
"A pseudosac is a collection of fluid within the endometrial cavity created by bleeding from the decidualized endometrium often associated with an extrauterine pregnancy and should not be mistaken for a normal early intrauterine pregnancy. The true gestational sac is located eccentrically within the uterus beneath the endometrial surface, whereas the pseudosac fills the endometrial cavity."
"Ovarian or Cervical Ectopics account for only 0.2% of all ectopic pregnancies"
Naturally, I had to have the 'difficult to treat', 'most likely to rupture' type of ectopic. lol.
I also found this about the sac inside my uterus.
"A pseudosac is a collection of fluid within the endometrial cavity created by bleeding from the decidualized endometrium often associated with an extrauterine pregnancy and should not be mistaken for a normal early intrauterine pregnancy. The true gestational sac is located eccentrically within the uterus beneath the endometrial surface, whereas the pseudosac fills the endometrial cavity."
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Never Ending Day
WOW. I don't even now where to begin to try and re-tell the day I have had......
I went to my scheduled OBGYN appointment that I was lucky enough to secure at such short notice. He is just lovely, and he will be monitoring my pregnancies and delivering my children if we can sort out my 'broken uterus syndrome'.
We went over the number of pregnancies, number of miscarriages, gestational ages of pregnancies, types of miscarriages etc. DP and I had our medical history scrutinised and Dr OBGYN was very happy to know that dp has not had any testicular trauma (dp was very happy about this too).Then we moved on to my current pregnancy and the recorded HCG levels. They obviously caused reason for concern without even considering what wonderful news we had had from the ultrasound.
Dr OBGYN, being informed previously of what awaited him on my ultrasound, said that he does not believe that I have 2 pregnancies, instead he thought the ovarian one was a cyst and the actual pregnancy was the one in my uterus. So next Dr OBGYN took a look at the ultrasound. He um'ed and ah'ed and then proceeded to stand up me, dp and mum to explain what he thought while pointing away at pictures of my ovary and uterus. He entirely swapped his intial statement. Uterus had Pseudo gestational sac, actual pregnancy is INSIDE left ovary. He reserved his right to confirm that until he had done his own ultrasound.
So next was the joyous part for me. First I get the duck-bill instrument, usually reserved for pap smears, inserted so he could view my cervix with a big damn light. All good. Next was the fingers to see if he could 'feel' anything through the walls. And, if all that penetration was not enough, I was then given my second internal ultrasound in under 24 hours. Again he was kind enough to stand mum and dp infront of the screen and explained every detail of what could be seen.
So I at least had good news at this point. I did not lose twins. I only had one pregnancy which was within the left ovary. As my HCG rose, my uterus got its self into action and made a gestational sac, as all good - uterus's?, uterie? - do when you get yourself knocked up. But as the pregnancy was not in my uterus the actual sac was empty.
Next we discussed my options. Surgery - D&C to clear uterus of sac and surgery to remove pregnancy from ovary - 90% chance I would lose my ovary - Dr OBGYN not really interested in this scenario. Option 2. Have a Methotrexate injection in order to dissipate the pregnancy and hopeful it will 'flush' away (he said while making flowing movements with his hands from his make believe vagina). So Methotrexate option agreed upon. I figure tomorrow, the day after, next week?
Ah, no. NOW. Forms were written up as well as my pathology requests written up for the next SIX blood tests that are needed to track my progress. The whole process will probably take 3 weeks. The worst part, the part that I was trying to avoid, is that I will miscarry naturally. But if I want to keep my ovary, that is what I have to do.
So, next we get shipped of to the hospital, into EPAC. Thankfully he called ahead and ordered all his staff around while we were in his office. We were seen very quickly and all their stupid questions were halted with, my Dr has discussed this personally with the Registrar. After being looked at with the "you're full of 5hit" expression, I asked them to call the registrar before we proceeded any further.
Thankfully he arrived in a couple of minutes and told them everything was already sorted and they need not repeat everything that had already been established with Dr OBGYN.So, naturally, as I haven't had a blood test in 18 hours, I MUST need another one. Off for bloods we go. Then it was a case of sitting around until there was a bed ready for me on the ward. I was praying I didn't get sent to post-natal like my last miscarriage!! After getting up on the ward I had an hour wait before a Dr came to give me my injection. This is the first time I've had an injection in my bum and I was slightly nervous. I held mum's hand as soon as she picked up the needle it was actually quite painless, but the actual solution stung like cr@p once it was in. And my bum hurt for about 15 minutes.
After that it was four hours of observations before I coould get shipped off home.
So, here I am, with my sore bum, sitting on my lounge recapping he whirlwind day I have had!!!!
I will miscarry over the next 3 weeks. If my ovary is going to rupture it will be within 12 hours of the injection, so I have mum having a sleepover to be here for a shift change when dp goes to work. I can't be left alone
After all this is done and my hcg is back to 0, Dr OBGYN is going to start doing some testing on myself and dp. At least he gets to share in the blood tests this time, and I will be having a 3d u/s of my uterus. fingers croossed that if he finds something it is treatable.
One thing today showed me......I am never having my kids in a public hospital, the amount of time that dozens and dozens of pregnant women were waiting for appointments was just unreal. I cannot imagine they would be happy!!!! Thankful I quite like the Private hospital that my Dr delivers in.
So...... How was your day???
I went to my scheduled OBGYN appointment that I was lucky enough to secure at such short notice. He is just lovely, and he will be monitoring my pregnancies and delivering my children if we can sort out my 'broken uterus syndrome'.
We went over the number of pregnancies, number of miscarriages, gestational ages of pregnancies, types of miscarriages etc. DP and I had our medical history scrutinised and Dr OBGYN was very happy to know that dp has not had any testicular trauma (dp was very happy about this too).Then we moved on to my current pregnancy and the recorded HCG levels. They obviously caused reason for concern without even considering what wonderful news we had had from the ultrasound.
Dr OBGYN, being informed previously of what awaited him on my ultrasound, said that he does not believe that I have 2 pregnancies, instead he thought the ovarian one was a cyst and the actual pregnancy was the one in my uterus. So next Dr OBGYN took a look at the ultrasound. He um'ed and ah'ed and then proceeded to stand up me, dp and mum to explain what he thought while pointing away at pictures of my ovary and uterus. He entirely swapped his intial statement. Uterus had Pseudo gestational sac, actual pregnancy is INSIDE left ovary. He reserved his right to confirm that until he had done his own ultrasound.
So next was the joyous part for me. First I get the duck-bill instrument, usually reserved for pap smears, inserted so he could view my cervix with a big damn light. All good. Next was the fingers to see if he could 'feel' anything through the walls. And, if all that penetration was not enough, I was then given my second internal ultrasound in under 24 hours. Again he was kind enough to stand mum and dp infront of the screen and explained every detail of what could be seen.
So I at least had good news at this point. I did not lose twins. I only had one pregnancy which was within the left ovary. As my HCG rose, my uterus got its self into action and made a gestational sac, as all good - uterus's?, uterie? - do when you get yourself knocked up. But as the pregnancy was not in my uterus the actual sac was empty.
Next we discussed my options. Surgery - D&C to clear uterus of sac and surgery to remove pregnancy from ovary - 90% chance I would lose my ovary - Dr OBGYN not really interested in this scenario. Option 2. Have a Methotrexate injection in order to dissipate the pregnancy and hopeful it will 'flush' away (he said while making flowing movements with his hands from his make believe vagina). So Methotrexate option agreed upon. I figure tomorrow, the day after, next week?
Ah, no. NOW. Forms were written up as well as my pathology requests written up for the next SIX blood tests that are needed to track my progress. The whole process will probably take 3 weeks. The worst part, the part that I was trying to avoid, is that I will miscarry naturally. But if I want to keep my ovary, that is what I have to do.
So, next we get shipped of to the hospital, into EPAC. Thankfully he called ahead and ordered all his staff around while we were in his office. We were seen very quickly and all their stupid questions were halted with, my Dr has discussed this personally with the Registrar. After being looked at with the "you're full of 5hit" expression, I asked them to call the registrar before we proceeded any further.
Thankfully he arrived in a couple of minutes and told them everything was already sorted and they need not repeat everything that had already been established with Dr OBGYN.So, naturally, as I haven't had a blood test in 18 hours, I MUST need another one. Off for bloods we go. Then it was a case of sitting around until there was a bed ready for me on the ward. I was praying I didn't get sent to post-natal like my last miscarriage!! After getting up on the ward I had an hour wait before a Dr came to give me my injection. This is the first time I've had an injection in my bum and I was slightly nervous. I held mum's hand as soon as she picked up the needle it was actually quite painless, but the actual solution stung like cr@p once it was in. And my bum hurt for about 15 minutes.
After that it was four hours of observations before I coould get shipped off home.
So, here I am, with my sore bum, sitting on my lounge recapping he whirlwind day I have had!!!!
I will miscarry over the next 3 weeks. If my ovary is going to rupture it will be within 12 hours of the injection, so I have mum having a sleepover to be here for a shift change when dp goes to work. I can't be left alone
After all this is done and my hcg is back to 0, Dr OBGYN is going to start doing some testing on myself and dp. At least he gets to share in the blood tests this time, and I will be having a 3d u/s of my uterus. fingers croossed that if he finds something it is treatable.
One thing today showed me......I am never having my kids in a public hospital, the amount of time that dozens and dozens of pregnant women were waiting for appointments was just unreal. I cannot imagine they would be happy!!!! Thankful I quite like the Private hospital that my Dr delivers in.
So...... How was your day???
Scans and Ambiguity
So my poor little pregnancy ends already. U/s today suggests a twin miscarriage. One in-uterine pregnancy, one ectopic pregnancy attached to my left ovary. Our only hope is that I don't lose my ovary, but my chances aren't that good.I'm heading off to an OBGYN tomorrow As I want a specialist in charge of my ovary preservation.
One more try for a baby and then I give up.
One more try for a baby and then I give up.
Presumptuous
It appears that making appointments was very presumptuous.
My Hcg level, which was anticipated to be over 10,000, was actually only 2800, so it barely doubed in a week.
I'm off to have a scan today and am not expecting a happy outcome.
Will post when I know more.
My Hcg level, which was anticipated to be over 10,000, was actually only 2800, so it barely doubed in a week.
I'm off to have a scan today and am not expecting a happy outcome.
Will post when I know more.
Pressure
I am forced to do things I am yet ready to do. Like book an OB, the hospital, the NT Scan arrrrggghhhh.
When you want a certain Dr you have to do all this instantly. I am 5 weeks and 2 days today, and the Receptionist for they OBGYN told me that I'm 'lucky' to have a spot so 'late' into my pregnancy. Now I have to go and book the Hospital, and the NT scan. I wish I could wait until after 8.5 weeks to do all this.
Last time I didn't have to cancel anything - I used my NT appointment to have my scan to check if I had RPOC. I dont want to have to make the call that I'm sorry I need to cancel my appointments cause I've lost the baby.I cant do anything to change the outcome of this pregnancy. It will either happen, or it wont happen, but I was at least trying to help preserve my sanity by not setting myself up for a nice big collapse if it happened again.OK.
On the positive side of things. I am booked in with the Dr I wanted and I will be going to the Private hospital I wanted. My first OB appointment is on the 7th October and I will be 10 weeks. THis was the point of no return last time. So I will at least be under the care of a well well well respected OBGYN if I am to miscarry again. And I'll be demanding every damn test in their thick books.
If I can't get time away during the week, my first scan is booked for the 20th September. SURELY I can survive (and bubs) from the 20th September to the 7 October.
When you want a certain Dr you have to do all this instantly. I am 5 weeks and 2 days today, and the Receptionist for they OBGYN told me that I'm 'lucky' to have a spot so 'late' into my pregnancy. Now I have to go and book the Hospital, and the NT scan. I wish I could wait until after 8.5 weeks to do all this.
Last time I didn't have to cancel anything - I used my NT appointment to have my scan to check if I had RPOC. I dont want to have to make the call that I'm sorry I need to cancel my appointments cause I've lost the baby.I cant do anything to change the outcome of this pregnancy. It will either happen, or it wont happen, but I was at least trying to help preserve my sanity by not setting myself up for a nice big collapse if it happened again.OK.
On the positive side of things. I am booked in with the Dr I wanted and I will be going to the Private hospital I wanted. My first OB appointment is on the 7th October and I will be 10 weeks. THis was the point of no return last time. So I will at least be under the care of a well well well respected OBGYN if I am to miscarry again. And I'll be demanding every damn test in their thick books.
If I can't get time away during the week, my first scan is booked for the 20th September. SURELY I can survive (and bubs) from the 20th September to the 7 October.
Still in Shock
By my calculations I am 5 weeks and 1 day pregnant. Due on the 5th May.
I have my first ultrasound on the 20th September (earliest Saturday appointment I can get). If I can get the time off work I will be having it done next week some time.
This time I knew I was pregnant 3 days before I tested. And when I got the first BFN, I didn't even flinch, I just knew it was too early to show up. I got my first FAINT FAINT positive at 9dpo. HCG at 18dpo was 1343. I have yet to decide if I will have repeat bloods.
Ok well they are the facts. I might leave it that for now. And ease my way into this
I have my first ultrasound on the 20th September (earliest Saturday appointment I can get). If I can get the time off work I will be having it done next week some time.
This time I knew I was pregnant 3 days before I tested. And when I got the first BFN, I didn't even flinch, I just knew it was too early to show up. I got my first FAINT FAINT positive at 9dpo. HCG at 18dpo was 1343. I have yet to decide if I will have repeat bloods.
Ok well they are the facts. I might leave it that for now. And ease my way into this
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