Emotion Overload - again

Well I feel like I am getting af. If it comes tomorrow it will have been a 23 day cycle. Not promising. If it happens it means I’m having issues with my luteal phase. Not something I want to happen.
My journey on the emotional rollercoaster continues. Every cramp, twinge, pain is interpreted as af arriving. Whereas prior to my pregnancy, it was anticipated as a possible pregnancy sign. Now I just don’t have any faith in my body. I seem to have a cry every second day – set off by no apparent event.
I’ve tried talking to several people but, as much as they try, they just don’t get it. I just feel blah. I don’t cry over “I’d be such and such weeks on this day”. I don’t have any children so I don’t wonder whether the baby would have had eyes the same as dear son Fred or dear daughter Wilma. I don’t even compare myself to my pregnant sister and wonder what size I would be. I understand that nature has a way of making sure that those babies that aren’t capable of surviving on their own are usually those that are represented by a miscarriage. (Yes I understand that this is not always the case).
So if these aren’t the things that I think of, nor send me into a blubbering ball of tears, what is it that is making me feel so low?I partly blame hormones. One reason is that it took 6 weeks for me to have my mini meltdown. Perhaps that is how long it took for my hormones to sort themselves out and get their act together?
I actually get upset over the thought of other women who go through this, and for who too, the world does not stop to mourn their loss. It continues to turn.
So, I have no faith in my body’s ability to carry a child, I wonder whether having kids will be something that is realistically achievable. I also wonder whether getting pregnant right now is a good idea or not?If I don’t get over this before I fall pregnant again, and I do have another miscarriage, how on earth will I get back up from that? I think it is sensible to get over it before I get pregnant again, go in with a clear head. But then, on the other hand, I don’t think this feeling will go away until I have a child???
Talk about confusing.I know I’ve talked about this before in my diary, and sorry for boring you by re-hashing the same details, but these are the things that play over in my mind.