Emotion overload

I am struggling this week. Things seem to have gotten worse since I actually started letting my emotions out. I had another cry yesterday. Then had a desperate need to seem my godchildren. I was driving over there and kept thinking – what if I only get to be a god mother and never a mother?
In my younger years I’d toyed with the idea of never having children. I was young and happy and just didn’t have that desire. Well naturally that desire changed as I got older. And I keep thinking well I screwed with fate by saying that I didn’t want to have kids.My poor dp doesn’t know what to do to help me. He knows that I haven’t been coping this past week, but feels helpless to relieve the sadness or emptiness I feel. It makes it harder on me to be honest. I don’t want to see him struggling to help me. To comfort me etc. That was part of the reason I went out yesterday. I needed to get it out, and I needed to it with out worrying about how it was going to affect someone if they saw me upset.
Its getting harder, not easier, and I’m beginning to wonder if this feeling will not go away until I am holding my child in my arms. I feel that that is the answer.
That’s all I needed, to make TTC even MORE stressful lol.