Catch up Posts - November

6th Nov

Still stuck in the land of bugger all happening.....
Just O'd, and had spotting again to go with it.
Am starting to wonder whether my right ovary even works?
Its not doing much.
Have absolutely nothing exciting to report, sorry.


10th Nov


I'm attempting to be positive from now on. Its my new forced state of mind. I was stressing badly leading up to the baby shower, and was pleased when I made it through the day unscathed, and without having a nervous break down. Dare I say I even enjoyed myself Survived going into the nursery for the first time too.
Last thing left is to hold the baby when he/she arrives. My guess is a few tears at that point will not send everyone into a panic that I'm emotionally distraught
HyCoSy about 2 1/2 - 3 weeks away I guess. And Am hoping once the results of that are in I can TTC again. I think it will be the last two weeks of December that I get the go ahead, PROVIDING my tests come back ok.

11th Nov


Am guessing hycosy is two weeks away not 3.
I think af is due in 7 days. I havent been keeping track with FF since the last m/c. I decided to have a break from it all. Am scared to let myself think that I have a shot at being pregnant again this year. Its all very very scary.
I'm not sure if I will be able to relax at all if I am lucky enough to fall pregnant again. Until I finally have my newborn baby in my arms, I think I will always be on tenterhooks. Now, no milestone feels safe. 12 weeks doesn't do much to alleviate my concerns. I think it will be a loooong pregnancy for me. I really hope that I will be able to enjoy being pregnant if I get there again.
Time will tell I guess!!

14th Nov


So it appears the only decent pregnant women live on the net and a few I know IRL.
Because all the ones I've seen lately are busy smoking, drinking, or cleverly multitasking and doing both.
I have a new theory on this. I didn't smoke, I didn't drink, I barely even moved off the freakin lounge when I was pregnant. I've heard so much whinging from 'accidental' pregnancies. I've listened to parents tell their kids that they hated them and wished they had never been born. Granted that this sort of thing was happening prior to my miscarriages, even prior to me TTC. But my radar had not been updated with that software then. It appears my software upgrade went a bit haywire. It seems I can only focus on the 'tsk tsk' pregnant women, or the excessively mean parents.
My miscarriages have taught me not to judge MOST people. If someone is rude, distant, etc, I dont assume they are just rude human beings, I actually consider the fact that I have no idea what has happened in their lives, and I don't know what they are dealing with behind closed doors. I am more patient, I am more empathetic, I am more sympathetic, and I am genuinely more caring of people as individuals. BUT the upgrade did not extend to DRUNK pregnant women, pregnant women that whinge that their pregnancy was an accident and they don't want another little brat, or people who are obviously breeding so they just dont have to go to work.
They just 5hit me to tears. I've been up and down emotionally, so many things have been messing with my head. I've had a lot of ups though, which is great. I know many women on the net and IRL who are, nervously, pregnant after miscarriages this year. It gives me a lot of hope.
I am very very scared of my procedure which will be sometime in the next two weeks. The idea of having something inserted into my cervix while I'm AWAKE, is not a comforting thought.
DP and I are also getting our blood tests done tomorrow. We wanted to wait so we got all the results at once, and the karotyping will take 2 weeks.
But hey, only a few more weeks til 2009 bring it on I say.