'D' day - FINALLY

NOTE: This posts contains A HIGHLY GRAPHICAL, DETAILED DESCRIPTION OF A NATURAL MISCARRIAGE. If you are squeamish, or not comfortable with the mention of blood (and worse) please do not read this post. I am determined to write up my story because it is a part of my journey. And others who are unlucky enough to have to experience this also, will know that they are not alone. My experience is not text-book, it is unique to me. If you are experiencing something similar, please do not rely on my story to ascertain if what you are experiencing is 'normal'. I've highlighted where the story gets graphic with some *****

I guess this part of my story really begins on Saturday night.

After watching the footy on tv, I decided to go to bed - relatively early. DP and I were marvelling at my stomach which had gone ROCK hard, and it looked like I was 5 months pregnant. I even took a few photos it was that impressive. But off to bed and I fell asleep quite quickly.

12.30am sees a random call to dp's mobile, which startled both of us out of a deep sleep. I got up and went to the bathroom (stupid hcg), and was feeling a little 'funny'.

I laid back down and the second my head hit the pillow I instantly sat back up in pain. It felt like someone was squeezing the bejeebus out of my uterus - slowly. It lasted about a minute, and the pain peaked at about 30 seconds. The pain wore off slowly, not instantly. It decreased in pain at the same rate it had increased. This went on for 30 minutes. I was sitting on the edge of the bed just rocking and rocking and rocking - oh and lots of deep breathing.

After it stopped I went back to bed, and slept fine for the rest of the night.

After the weird night, I had a sleep in on Sunday. DP and I had plans for lunch with the outlaws, and set off on our 1 1/2 drive at about 11.00am. I was doing ok til about half way through lunch. Then I started getting the pains similar to the night before, only a bit milder. I had to keep excusing myself to get up and walk around, and then sneak off to the toilet for the umpteenth time to check out if anything was happening.

After the LONGEST LUNCH IN HISTORY, everyone decided to go for a walk along the beach. I told dp that there was no way in hell I could manage that walk, and I headed back to his sisters house to rest. I went to the toilet and noticed that, although the bleeding was getting heavier, it wasn't that bad. I was in more and more pain and was only getting a break of about 15 minutes, before the pain set in for its usual 30 minute stint.

I'd been attempting to rest for an hour, when I knew that I couldn't take anymore. Home was going to be a 2 1/2 hour drive away as we had to drop MIL off at home first. I needed to be at home.

I texted dp and told to him to wrap up the beach stroll as things were getting serious and I wanted to get home. Thankfully they were already on their way back. NOT thankfully, MIL and dp's sisters MIL thought now was the perfect time to stand at the door and talk about something trivial. I turned my back and slowly swung my hips to get through the pain. My eyes were watering, but if I cried, we'd have to tell everyone what was happening. So I sucked it up, and swung my hips til the pain subsided. I must have looked slightly odd. I think SIL didn't buy the 'oh she has her periods'.

We FINALLY got in the car and I got hit again with pain. MIL and SIL (who I love dearly) would not shut up, and I desperately wanted silence. I had my head turned out the window as far as possible so they couldn't see the tears silently sliding down my cheeks. I couldn't rock or swing my hips now, and just had to hold on til it passed. The first thirty minutes of that trip was absolute hell. DP kept watching me in the rearview mirror, and was driving way too fast in an attempt to get me home as soon as possible.

Once we got to MIL's house, I went to bathroom yet again, heavier but no real clotting. We left immediately and headed home.

I was getting increasingly more uncomfortable in the car. I couldn't sit on my bum properly because it sort of squashed my uterus and made the pain even worse. I was shifting from being on my left side to being on my right side, for the majority of the way home. I was very restless.

Now there is only one way to describe the next part so you actually uinderstand what I mean.....

You know the feeling of needing to go to the toilet when you're driving home? You know how when you get about ten minutes from home your bladder seems to know and the urge to pee is even greater? You know when you're 2 minutes from home and your bladder has a fit cause you are soooo close to home???

Well apparently your uterus knows this game too. We got off the freeway and the pain intensified. We got around the corner from home and the pain increased again - ten fold. We got home at 6.15pm. Of course my neighbour was out the front, having just returned from her weekend away. So I managed 5 minutes of chat. All the while I was rocking backwards and forwards and side to side. She looked at me funny, and I said its all happening. She knows the story.

*****This is where the story gets graphic.

So, I'm sure everyone knows the theory behind my next exercise. I tried scalding my back and my stomach in the shower to try and alleviate the pain, as well as helping the bloodflow along. I also did a very very thorough cleaning. So that I could accurately measure from then on how much blood I lost.

So out of the shower and I begin drying myself. I bent down to dry my feet and blood just started pouring out of me, onto the bath mat. (May I add that prior to leaving that morning I had JUST put the new and clean fluffy bath mat in the bathroom. I wasn't impressed.)

So I jumped straight onto the toilet and just sat there for a minute in a bit of shock. DP came in and he asked what I wanted. Stain remover from the laundry - look at the damn bath mat. This was what was important at that moment?????

So while I sat on the toilet poring out blood, I sprayed the mat with stain remover. Now I could concentrate on the matter at hand.

DP stood awaiting my instructions. I sat, covered in only a towel, and assessed what I would need. Ok I need clothes. A big loose dress felt appropriate. I need undies. I need another pad. I need a can of coke. And go next door because I want a smoke. (DP doesn't smoke, I used too - but we both seem to want a smoke after a miscarriage).

Here's me, at 6.45pm sitting naked on the toilet, coverd in a towel so dp doesn't have to watch what is happening, with a can of coke at my feet, a pad carefully placed by dp in my undies at my feet, and me, stil unable to move. The silence was intermittently interupted with comments such as 'this is 5hit' or 'this is crap'.

I honestly was going to stay there all night - or until it was over. But there was one problem. I could cope with the pain. What I couldn't cope with was the feeling of the blood rushing out of me. I'd wipe every now and then when it got too much. And would kick dp out if there was a clot so I could investigate. But I had to get up, because the grossness was outweighing the benefit of being on the toilet. At some point I had managed to get a nice, short loose dress on.

I ripped the pad out of the undies and tried to hold that up against me while dp tried to put my undies on. All the while I had to keep the actual toilet covered with the towel so dp couldn't see all the blood.

I took a five minute break and went out the back and had my can of coke and a smoke. I sat with the soles of my feet flat against each other in front of me, and laid my body over my feet. I needed pressure on my uterus to help with the pain. Kind of like when you have a headache and push on your temples for relief.

Break over, I got back to business. I knelt on the floor and leant over the bed. Ooh'ing and ah'ing while I frantically rocked my hips. Dp would come and go every five minutes to see if he could help, or if I needed anything. This was usually met with 'yes, I need you to make it go away', or 'I need you to make it stop'. He was however, helpful with my request for a 'friggen hot', hot water bottle.

I went back to leaning over the bed, but this time with the hot water bottle literally burning my stomach too. But I couldn't concentrate enough to hold it. Easy fixed. Next request. I need one of YOUR belts (he's lots bigger than me). So I belted in the hot water bottle up against my uterus. Good trick and I highly recommend it :)

I lasted another half hour or so, trying to breathe through the pain while going to the toilet every five minutes to see what was happening. I knew that I hadn't lost 'it' yet, and I was about over it all. I was tired, I was fatigued, and I was low on drugs. I'd taken one mercyndol (a paracetemol with some extra knockout ingredient) at 7pm as that was all I had, and I wanted it to help me sleep through the pain. I was down to dp's 2 nurofen plus, which I detest, but hey, deperate times and all. I bargained with myself that if I could make it to 11pm on just 1 mercyndol, I'd take the damn nurofen plus.

At 8pm I decided I wanted to 'try' and sleep. I boiled the kettle so I could still scald myself with my dearly beloved hot water bottle. I propped myself up against 4 pillows, as laying down was too painful - plus I'm a firm believer in helping gravity, this stuff has to move down, no point laying down and slowing up the process. And surprisingly enough I fell asleep very quickly.

I woke up at 10.00pm, I wasn't sure why. I was in the same amount of pain as when I went to sleep, although I felt 'fuller'. I got up for a refill of coke (all I wanted the whole time was coke). I wandered around, took the dog to the toilet, peed twice and then sat on the lounge. I wasn't sure why I was awake. At this time (about 10.30pm) I was in a whole new world of pain. It was instant, and crippling. I went back to bed and had the need to lay on my stomach. I put the newly refilled hot water bottle on my back and gritted my teeth through the pain. It was excrutiating laying on my stomach, but that is where I felt I needed to be. I stayed this way for about twenty minutes, breathing so hard and so controlled, it was what I was trying to focus on.

I HAD to get up, and decided to ring mum for the tenth time that night. She answered and my first words were 'I need drugs' (mums a nurse - yay yay yay). She was at work and she did a drug count of all the staff to see what she could score for me. Well it was dismal. I decided to take the stupid nurofen plus. I went to the fridge to refil my coke. As soon as I got to the fridge I needed to squat. I didn't get it, I didn't feel any different, my pad felt normal. I just needed to squat?? So what did I do? I squatted. Just once. And then got my coke (yes, again).

I went and sat on the bed and got my nurofen off the bedside table. DP asked if I was alright. I could barely talk through the pain, but managed to say 'I don't want to play this game anymore'. My uterus was killing me, I was sure that at any moment it was going to explode. I got frustrated and got up and said to DP 'this is 5hit. Next time they can take my damn ovaries, I've had enough - I WANT MY D&C'. And headed to the bathroom to pee, yet again.

The second I sat down 'it' fell out. It didn't hurt, I didn't feel it coming. And it sunk to the bottom of the toilet. So, naturally I called mum again (when you are in the middle of 'd' day your phone doesn't leave your side). Mum answers and I blurt out 'I've just passed the biggest friggen clot I've ever seen'. hahahaha poor mum. So while I sat on the toilet I talked to several different nurses to get their view. Consensus was, I either need to put it in a specimen jar, or get a good look at it and get a detailed description. I had my phone - I took a photo. And then I squatted down, head in bowl and got a good look. 'It' was big. One complete piece, but two sections. It wasn't a clot. I was 100% sure it was the sac. It was what I had been waiting for. It was grey, and looked like it had a seam that was held together by a beige piece of string at the edge.

I threw open the bedroom / ensuite door and asked dp if he had heard the phone call. He said yes. I asked him if he wanted to come and see it? Um, no. Are you sure? No. Do you want to look at the photo? No.

Excitement over, I decided I needed sleep - bad.

I laid down, hopefully for the last time that night. Dp asked how I was. In all the excitement I hadn't taken in the fact that I wasn't in pain anymore!!!!!!

I was just about asleep when mum rang at midnight. She'd finished her shift and wanted to know if she should come over. I told her I thought it was over. She asked how I felt. I said 'I want to say I feel a million bucks, but realistically I feel about ten bucks - which is a good improvement on the way I've felt all day'.


Fast forward to now, and I have what is like a normal period. Its not excessively heavy, and there is no pain. My stomach has also softened and gone back in.

And I'm looking forward to next year, when I can TTC again.

But I stand by my statement, I am NEVER doing that again. I will demand a D&C if I'm ever in this situation again. Miscarrying naturally is one of the worst things I have ever ever done.