12 Weeks

4th July, 2008

Today has been a bittersweet day.I would have been 12 weeks today . The day that I should be able to yell to the world from the rooftops that I am pregnant. That we are having a baby. I should feel a little safer, a little more secure in my pregnancy, and even be game enough to now buy some things for our anticipated arrival.
But, that is not to be. Today, after being told "congratulations on your pregnancy" I had to tell them that I had miscarried. I felt sorry for them? I felt sorry that I had to tell them that I had lost my baby. I felt sorry that I had put them in an uncomfortable position. And all this guilt I felt was for someone I had never met before, they were told I was pregnant buy a friend and hadn't been updated on the news. But she took it really well, told me she has had one too, and that she now has three screaming boys running around at home. So she handled the awkwardness really well.
The sadness that I felt when awaking to what should have been my 12 week milestone was replaced with hope for the future. I woke up and found that I have stopped bleeding. Just good old normal CM. I did contemplate hugging my CM at the sheer pleasure I had in finding it. But I figured perhaps it would be too messy, and I have plenty of time in the coming cycles to once again bond with my CM.
So the closing of one chapter is replaced by the opening of a new chapter. My life shall return to the waiting game. Waiting to O. The dreaded 2WW. Waiting for af. Or waiting for another . I hope we can make a sticky one this time.
POAS last night was only faintly positive, so my levels are going down pretty well I imagine.

May even have a drink to celebrate my body moving forward.